Oscars 2019: The Worst of the After Parties

Some of these are bad, some redundant and uninspired, and some are…heinously bad.

Kendall Jenner in Rami Kadi

Embed from Getty Images

Speaking of heinously bad: It isn’t often that a look leaves me completely speechless, but well done Kendell, you’ve shocked me into silence. This is an abomination. It can barely be called a dress. It’s a glorified loincloth, purposefully constructed for shock value over quality. I think in general, if I can see your hip bone and am actively confused about how you aren’t flashing everyone your lady bits, its a look that should never have seen the light of day. When it comes to the Kardashian/Jenners, their constant, cloying need for attention and dependence on “shock value” have made us so numb to them, that I truly think one of them will just show up to the red carpet fully naked one day.

Shailene Woodley in Christian Dior

Embed from Getty Images

Blergh. This could have been fine, but I’m just done with unnecessarily sheer skirts.

Julianne Hough in J. Mendel

Embed from Getty Images

This had a lot of potential – the caramel color is interesting and I am a fan of the turtleneck/full skirt combo, but it’s making pancakes out of her chest and WHY did the skirt need to be sheer!?

Nina Dobrev in Brock Collection

Embed from Getty Images

Nina’s style used to be more interesting than this half-finished wedding dress. Also, the black accessories feel very incongruous. I would have loved to see some turqouise, or emerald, or amethyst pops of color here.

Renee Zelwegger in A.W.A.K.E MODE

Embed from Getty Images

I don’t hate this as is, however I wanted to include it here so I can show you what it looked like when it originally came down the runway. I think we can all be grateful for the edits that were made.

Kacey Musgraves in Versace

Embed from Getty Images

Talk about sartorial whiplash! She went from sugary sweet in a frilled-to-the-max Giambattista Valli, to Donatella Versace cosplay in this slinky, burnished number. Her first look feels more authentic to me – this feels forced and like very intentional push-back against critics who don’t like her overly froofy aesthetic.

Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent

Embed from Getty Images

What the actual fuck is this? I mean, what is happening over at Saint Laurent – have they completely given up on the concept of design? This isn’t “fashion”, it’s offensive.

Rita Ora in Alexander McQueen

Embed from Getty Images

Good god, this is so drab and icky. It’s like fabric cobwebs.

Adriana Lima in Ralph and Russo

Embed from Getty Images

Adriana’s whole thing is sex appeal turned up to 11, and I actually like this dress, but the addition of the garter belt veers this into kitschy territory.

Emily Ratajkowski in Brock Collection

Embed from Getty Images

This is surprisingly similar to Nina Dobrev’s, and yet somehow much, much worse. It’s about two cup sizes too small – I’m worried that if she stands up straight, she’ll pop right out.

Madelaine Petsch in Paolo Sebastian

Embed from Getty Images

Love the skirt. Hate the color. Confused by the tulle shawl?

Laura Dern in Elie Saab

Embed from Getty Images

She looks as unsure about this as I am. How do you find the one shitty, boring Elie Saab?

Heidi Klum in Elie Saab

Embed from Getty Images

I guess there were two shitty Elie Saab looks that night.

Tracee Ellie Ross in Versace

Embed from Getty Images

I am usually all here for Tracee’s experimental styling, but this is deeply unflattering and makes it look like her silvery insides are spilling out in a very creepy way.

Kat Graham in Maticevski

Embed from Getty Images

This is 1/3 silver boob sling, 1/3 janky tuxedo jacket, and 1/3 1980’s wedding dress.

Emma Roberts in Yanina Couture

Embed from Getty Images

I knew this looked familiar: Alessandra Ambrosio wore a VERY similar Ralph and Russo to the Vanity Fair party last year. Emma’s is slightly more palatable (ie: less naked), but still…

Chloe Sevigny in Preen

Embed from Getty Images

Who knew Chloe would make such a saucy milkmaid?

Halsey in Vivienne Westwood

Embed from Getty Images

I actually love this pattern, but the hair is terrible, and I don’t know whose chest is being more mangled, hers or Chloe’s?

Amandla Stenberg in Vivienne Westwood

Embed from Getty Images

I’m not a fan of Vivienne Westwood, but this is so much better than her first look that I am almost ready to give it a pass. The shoes don’t work for me though.

Jennifer Hudson in Christopher Kane

Embed from Getty Images

I think she got this at a pop-up prom store at the mall.

Olivia Colman in Stella McCartney

Embed from Getty Images

I understand why Olivia changed from her ceremony look – the long shawl/train wasn’t conducive to partying. But this wrinkled, drab mess of a McCartney is still going to give her trouble on the dance floor, so…why change at all?

Tessa Thompson in Chanel Haute Couture

Embed from Getty Images

So, so, so much worse than her first Chanel.

Rowan Blanchard in Rodarte

Embed from Getty Images

Rowan is super adventurous on the red carpet and this is surprisingly close to working for me. But the unnecessarily sheer bodice and exposed belly button ruin it.

Kerry Washington in Schiaparelli

Embed from Getty Images

Even my beloved Schiaparelli fucks it up every now and again.

Gemma Chan in Tom Ford

Embed from Getty Images

Molting bird chic.

Laura Harrier in Louis Vuitton

Embed from Getty Images

No words, just:


Angela Sarafyan in Celia Kritharioti

Embed from Getty Images

I love Angela in a ballgown, but this is too twee and saggy.

Lindsey Vonn in Daalarna Couture

Embed from Getty Images

More than almost anyone else, Lindsey consistently gets it wrong on the red carpet. There is nothing redeemable about this sad, hooded, moth-eaten wedding dress.

Bel Powley in Preen

Embed from Getty Images

This dress isn’t even trying.

Behati Prinsloo in Dolce and Gabbana

Embed from Getty Images

This is vintage from 1997, and I wish it had stayed in the past.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s