Oscars 2019: The Worst of the After Parties

Some of these are bad, some redundant and uninspired, and some are…heinously bad.

Kendall Jenner in Rami Kadi

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Speaking of heinously bad: It isn’t often that a look leaves me completely speechless, but well done Kendell, you’ve shocked me into silence. This is an abomination. It can barely be called a dress. It’s a glorified loincloth, purposefully constructed for shock value over quality. I think in general, if I can see your hip bone and am actively confused about how you aren’t flashing everyone your lady bits, its a look that should never have seen the light of day. When it comes to the Kardashian/Jenners, their constant, cloying need for attention and dependence on “shock value” have made us so numb to them, that I truly think one of them will just show up to the red carpet fully naked one day.

Shailene Woodley in Christian Dior

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Blergh. This could have been fine, but I’m just done with unnecessarily sheer skirts.

Julianne Hough in J. Mendel

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This had a lot of potential – the caramel color is interesting and I am a fan of the turtleneck/full skirt combo, but it’s making pancakes out of her chest and WHY did the skirt need to be sheer!?

Nina Dobrev in Brock Collection

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Nina’s style used to be more interesting than this half-finished wedding dress. Also, the black accessories feel very incongruous. I would have loved to see some turqouise, or emerald, or amethyst pops of color here.

Renee Zelwegger in A.W.A.K.E MODE

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I don’t hate this as is, however I wanted to include it here so I can show you what it looked like when it originally came down the runway. I think we can all be grateful for the edits that were made.

Kacey Musgraves in Versace

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Talk about sartorial whiplash! She went from sugary sweet in a frilled-to-the-max Giambattista Valli, to Donatella Versace cosplay in this slinky, burnished number. Her first look feels more authentic to me – this feels forced and like very intentional push-back against critics who don’t like her overly froofy aesthetic.

Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent

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What the actual fuck is this? I mean, what is happening over at Saint Laurent – have they completely given up on the concept of design? This isn’t “fashion”, it’s offensive.

Rita Ora in Alexander McQueen

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Good god, this is so drab and icky. It’s like fabric cobwebs.

Adriana Lima in Ralph and Russo

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Adriana’s whole thing is sex appeal turned up to 11, and I actually like this dress, but the addition of the garter belt veers this into kitschy territory.

Emily Ratajkowski in Brock Collection

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This is surprisingly similar to Nina Dobrev’s, and yet somehow much, much worse. It’s about two cup sizes too small – I’m worried that if she stands up straight, she’ll pop right out.

Madelaine Petsch in Paolo Sebastian

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Love the skirt. Hate the color. Confused by the tulle shawl?

Laura Dern in Elie Saab

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She looks as unsure about this as I am. How do you find the one shitty, boring Elie Saab?

Heidi Klum in Elie Saab

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I guess there were two shitty Elie Saab looks that night.

Tracee Ellie Ross in Versace

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I am usually all here for Tracee’s experimental styling, but this is deeply unflattering and makes it look like her silvery insides are spilling out in a very creepy way.

Kat Graham in Maticevski

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This is 1/3 silver boob sling, 1/3 janky tuxedo jacket, and 1/3 1980’s wedding dress.

Emma Roberts in Yanina Couture

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I knew this looked familiar: Alessandra Ambrosio wore a VERY similar Ralph and Russo to the Vanity Fair party last year. Emma’s is slightly more palatable (ie: less naked), but still…

Chloe Sevigny in Preen

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Who knew Chloe would make such a saucy milkmaid?

Halsey in Vivienne Westwood

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I actually love this pattern, but the hair is terrible, and I don’t know whose chest is being more mangled, hers or Chloe’s?

Amandla Stenberg in Vivienne Westwood

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I’m not a fan of Vivienne Westwood, but this is so much better than her first look that I am almost ready to give it a pass. The shoes don’t work for me though.

Jennifer Hudson in Christopher Kane

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I think she got this at a pop-up prom store at the mall.

Olivia Colman in Stella McCartney

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I understand why Olivia changed from her ceremony look – the long shawl/train wasn’t conducive to partying. But this wrinkled, drab mess of a McCartney is still going to give her trouble on the dance floor, so…why change at all?

Tessa Thompson in Chanel Haute Couture

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So, so, so much worse than her first Chanel.

Rowan Blanchard in Rodarte

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Rowan is super adventurous on the red carpet and this is surprisingly close to working for me. But the unnecessarily sheer bodice and exposed belly button ruin it.

Kerry Washington in Schiaparelli

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Even my beloved Schiaparelli fucks it up every now and again.

Gemma Chan in Tom Ford

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Molting bird chic.

Laura Harrier in Louis Vuitton

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No words, just:

clementines

Angela Sarafyan in Celia Kritharioti

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I love Angela in a ballgown, but this is too twee and saggy.

Lindsey Vonn in Daalarna Couture

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More than almost anyone else, Lindsey consistently gets it wrong on the red carpet. There is nothing redeemable about this sad, hooded, moth-eaten wedding dress.

Bel Powley in Preen

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This dress isn’t even trying.

Behati Prinsloo in Dolce and Gabbana

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This is vintage from 1997, and I wish it had stayed in the past.

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