Oscars After Parties 2018: Models Being Models

Models did model things: expect much sheerness and shortness, some successes, and something that makes me suicidal with disgust. I have placed these in order from YES to DEAR GOD NO.

Naomi Campbell in Alexandre Vauthier

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Bow down now, because it only goes downhill from here. As always, Naomi schools the kids.

Romee Strijd in Jenny Packham

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I picked this dress in red for someone to wear to the ceremony, so I am going to give myself half a point for accuracy, and I’m going to applaud Romee for wearing something lovely and opaque.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Ralph & Russo

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This is truly lovely. I feel like I am always saying this about one color or another, but seafoam green really is a shade you don’t see often on the red carpet. Folks should trot it out more – Rosie here looks ethereal.

Joan Smalls in Roberto Cavalli

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I can’t remember the last time I liked something by Cavalli. He’s usually way too over the top for me. This is working though, partly thanks to the fact that Joan is an excellent model.

Pom Klementieff in Monse

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OMG YOU GUYS, A NORMAL MONSE! On the same night as a normal Rodarte!? The fashion gods truly must be smiling on us.

Kendall Jenner in Redemption

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This is also pretty good – she’s really carrying off the dramatic sleeve and the earrings are fantastic. I don’t think she can necessarily sit down in it, but…

Emily Ratajkowski in Zac Posen

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This is a vast improvement from her usual – so much so that she looks like she’s in costume for a rather busty Medieval period piece.

Martha Hunt in Marina Moscone

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This is odd…it looks…cozy? I’m sure she was the most comfortable model at the party! This honestly would have been really lovely without the pants. Currently it’s a little Eileen Fischer separates.

Heidi Klum in Ralph and Russo 

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This Ralph and Russo feels characteristically sloppy. But it’s far from her worst of the night…by the end of this list, I actually missed this chartreuse mess.

Hari Nef in Gucci

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Honestly…compared to her past, terrifying, creepy baby doll related crimes, this really isn’t so bad. It’s all relative.

Elsa Hosk in Alberta Feretti

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Ugh. Just stop.

Alessandra Ambrosio in Ralph and Russo

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Sigh. When I saw this come down the runway, I knew it was only a matter of time until someone tried it. I really wish she hadn’t though. WHEN WILL THE SHEER TREND DIE!?

Heidi Klum in Georges Hobeika

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This is horrible. Just…so, so, so bad. I try not to be too hyperbolic, but this dress literally makes me want to kill myself. As my mother would say, Heidi often looks like a “non-bather”. She just gives me greasy, grungy vibes. This mold hued, unflattering, tacky mess is doing nothing to assuage me of that notion.

 

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